“Sports Personality of the Year”

“Sports Personality of the Year.” A brief digression by Obama from his dissertaition on Black Beauty,

I’ve been distracted form my literary endeavours by Amble Skuse who led Simon astray with some nonsense about a Jockey called McCoy being Sports Personality of the Year. I am tempted to ask if he is a left brain introvert, but I will restrain myself. This is some TV nonsense, and although my brain seems to be able to pick up Broadband perfectly adequately, it just isn’t stupid enough to tune into TV. So this is all secondhand off the Internet, but what isn’t these days.

I have just watched a really silly video purporting to be done by a bunch of racehorses about this McCoy character. I am sure he has ridden 3,000 winners, but where are the horses that ran the bloody races for him, carrying him, putting up with the pain from the bit, from his heels, from the fences hitting their shins, and most importantly, being belted to go faster and faster. Are they going to be at the prize giving.

I will happily believe McCoy is all sweetness and light when you interview him after a race, but not when he’s on your bloody back. In 1998 he was hauled up so often for excessive use of the whip that he was sent off for two weeks retraining. Remember that’s the racing guys doing it, who think you need the bloody whips. What did the poor bloody horses say? A lot more than bloody excessive.

So McCoy went to learn how to moderate his use of the whip, and one of his tutors stated he hit too hard, too often, in the wrong place, and when a pat would have done more good than a hit. Great, two weeks training, problem sorted.

In 1999 he’s being banned for excessive use of the whip. 40 days of bans according to one paper, and in 2001 being banned, and 2002, being banned and 2003 and in 2004 he sets new standards and hits Deano’s Beano 50 times before the bloody race starts.

Martin Pipe, McCoys trainer, employer and chief apologist says he didn’t hurt Deano’s Beano, Deano’s Beano doesn’t appear on the video saying what a nice personality that McCoy character is.

Martin Pipe’s defence of McCoy is that it was all Pipe’s own fault. Deano’s Beano doesn’t like racing at the best of times and in Pipe’s words, hates Cheltenham. So he sends him there, and McCoy thrashes him down to the start, saying “What else could I do?” If they can’t work out that sending a horse to a place he hates is a mistake, and hitting him 50 times in 2 minutes won’t stop it being a mistake.

If it’s your money on the horse, McCoy is a great guy. If it’s your skin under the whip, then maybe his personality isn’t quite so pleasant.

I don’t know McCoy from Adam, and wouldn’t recognise him if he hit me with a whip. I would know he was a “horseman” because “horsemen” need a sodding whip. Richard Dunwoody says, “Any horseman will tell you that you need a whip.”.

But no bloody horse will.

Simon doesn’t need a whip. Bex drove me round Exeter, she doesn’t need a whip, Ari Rox didn’t need a whip, Lee didn’t need a whip, Sarah Piercy didn’t need a whip. But they are just common people, “”Any horseman will tell you that you need a whip.”

Well please, go and vote, but before you vote, just read this piece which Simon quotes endlessly.

“Half a dozen laden waggons” says Sir George Head “are dragged along the railroad to the particular drop then at work, by a stout cob, which is then ridden carelessly back again, barebacked by a small boy, at a shambling trot; notwithstanding that the interstices between the planks below admit, here and there, full two inches of daylight. However the pony proceeeds, clattering on unconcernedly, otherwise than by holding his snout close to the floor, the better and more cautiously to observe where to place his feet at every step.

………….The beast when I witnessed his performance, had only a halter on his head, without winkers, or any harness except collar and light rope traces. As soon as the boy had fastened the lock of the trace to the foremost waggon, the pony invariably turned round his head, as if to enquire whether all was ready,and then, exactly at the proper moment, commenced his march, the load, meanwhile, rumbling after him: arrived at the drop, the carriages being detached, he here stood jammed close to the wall; shewing perfect cognizance as the carriages passed him, of the degree of attention due to the various noises and manoevres going forward, and not only being aware when it was proper to step out of the way, but how long precisely it was safe to stand still.”

Common little kid, trying to earn a crust, hauling coal in the Middlesborough Drops 1839. Not a “horseman” because he didn’t need a whip. Now look at McCoy’s achievements and how he achieved them..

Apparently there are ten people up for Sports Personality of the Year. Why not vote for someone who doesn’t believe you need a whip.

Ask Black Beauty, better still read his book and find all the instances where Black Beauty says “Any horseman will tell you that you need a whip.”

Black Beauty won’t say Crap, so I will.

Please, don’t vote for the whips, I hate them, we all hate them, and you don’t need them. Vote for a world without whips.

Please.



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One Response to “Sports Personality of the Year”

  1. Adele Norman says:

    Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, thank god I’m not a horseman, just one of the lower orders!

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